Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
