My pussy is not your playground.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
