hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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