i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
