I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
