i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
