I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dick very happy bro
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