i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
me + whiskey = a bad person
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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