It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
