Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
