I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
