It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
