okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
