try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
