it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
