I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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