He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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