She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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