Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
