i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
