Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
