But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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