i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
