We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
