Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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