yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have already put on my inside pants.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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