it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What drink are we having for lunch?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
