i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just pee around me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
