So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
