I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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