its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
