I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
