We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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