my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
