i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
