yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
