Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We left the knife in your bed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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