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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Apparently you chose the latter.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

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• (310): View more from California

  someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family

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• (925): View more from California

  Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out

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• (716): View more from New York

  They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.

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