I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
