Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
