I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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