apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
