Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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