you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
