Swine flu. Run for my life!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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