hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
