Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
