need another drink. this is the easiest way
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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