how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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