the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
