I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
