Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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